Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
