I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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