I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
