New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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