my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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