Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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