Are we in a gay sports bar?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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