im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
