I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
