just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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