i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
