hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
