Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
