$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Randomize
