it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
