my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Randomize
