I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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