tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize