I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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