He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
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