Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
