you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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