I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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