I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
