Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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