there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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