well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
