weddingsv make me drug and hornr
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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