i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
i need some magic done to my vagina
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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