it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
