I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
