since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
