just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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