her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
