the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
