her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
