If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
