booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
