we have officially lost it.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
not ubering you a puppy
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
