Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
