you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
