he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
