I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
