halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
