I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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