strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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