is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize