I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I am one with the molecules
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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