one might say we're banned from that church
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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