it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
