No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
