The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
