Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
