Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
