We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I just want to make out with him forever
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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