i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
