I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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