man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
found the other keg... it's in the tree
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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