i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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