Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You can't just leave with hair like that
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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