Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize