why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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