Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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