Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
