it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
