Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
