I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Randomize
